Lonely next to me
by JolinarJackson
Summary: Since their first date, the relationship between Jack and Ianto seems to be over before it even started – Jack's not talking, Ianto's insecure ... and Tosh is worried.
1. Chapter 1

**Lonely next to me**

_Word Count: _5.926

_Summary: _Since their first date, the relationship between Jack and Ianto seems to be over before it even started – Jack's not talking, Ianto's insecure ... and Tosh is worried.

_Characters:_ Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato

_Pairing: _Jack/Ianto

_Rating: _R

_Spoiler: The end of days, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang _/ DW: TYTNW

_Setting: _after _Kiss Kiss Bang Bang_

_Author's Notes: _Written for the torchwood_fest _Christmas Challenge_. This is for blackhemlock. You wanted possessive!Jack, besotted Jack and smart!Ianto. This story has a bit of all three of them. The title's from the song _Halt dich an mir fest (Hold on to me)_ by Revolverheld.

_Feedback:_ Can't breathe without it.

_Beta: _Vistin, who helped me start writing this to begin with. alt_universe_me who beta'ed.

_Disclaimer: _I'm not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show _Torchwood_ and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.

XXX

XXX

**1.**

Ianto was standing behind the counter in the tourist office, sorting through catalogues, when two arms wrapped around his hips and Jack's body pressed against his back. Ianto smiled. "May I help you?" he asked and started a new pile of catalogues. Even though the tourist office was just a cover, Ianto refused to let it get neglected. So he'd ordered a few boxes with new catalogues and brochures describing everything Cardiff had to offer. Owen had laughed about it because he thought that no one would ever read them. Ianto had shut him up by telling him that now and again, there really were tourists dropping by.

Jack's breath caressed his neck and Ianto's grip on the catalogue in his hands tightened when Jack folded his hands across his belly, pulling him closer still. "Yes, you can," Jack said. "I was hoping for a few hours of your time – just the two of us."

Ianto tilted his head when Jack kissed his neck to give him better access, making a thoughtful noise. "What would that entail?"

Jack laughed softly. "Demanding, aren't you?"

Ianto shrugged. "I'm worth it," he answered.

"I never said you weren't," Jack replied with a smile. "Okay," he said, "I was thinking pizza at yours."

Ianto closed his eyes and swallowed his disappointment.

Jack wasn't able to see Ianto's face so he just continued, "And later we could …" His hand slid downwards.

Ianto grabbed it and said, "The usual." He forced a smile and turned his head. He wondered why he'd expected Jack to say something different. Ever since their first date two weeks ago, Jack hadn't asked for a repeat. Not that he had any reason to, Ianto thought cynically, Jack could sleep with him whenever he wanted without making a big effort. And Ianto – too relieved to have Jack back and still overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings for the captain – didn't dare asking for more. Because even though the thought of having a steady relationship with Jack was overwhelming, the certainty that Jack was even interested in him had its own appeal, all things considered.

"Yeah," Jack nodded. "I'll come around at … half past six. Rift permitting. But I asked Tosh and she told me that it's likely to be quiet tonight."

"Jack, wait. Tonight?" Ianto asked slowly and pulled a face.

"Yeah," Jack answered.

Ianto's thumb started drawing circles on Jack's back of the hand. "I can't tonight." He felt Jack tensing up. Jack let go of him and Ianto turned around to face him.

The captain frowned. "Why not?"

"I'm busy."

Jack crossed his arms. "And that's more important?"

Ianto cleared his throat and answered, "Not more important per se but … important in a different way."

Jack supported his arms on the counter, trapping Ianto against it, and leaned towards him. "Explain."

"I'm meeting Tosh," Ianto answered.

"Tosh?"

Ianto shrugged and explained, "We applied for a dancing class. Well, she applied for it with her neighbour but he wasn't available on short notice so she asked me if I ..." He stopped because Jack was just staring at him with a frown. "Fact is, I can't abandon her. And I'm kind of looking forward to it."

"And you'd prefer going dancing with Tosh?"

Ianto sighed deeply. "Jack, that has nothing to do with preferring Tosh over you. But I can't abandon her now, I want to do it and I can't postpone the class to a later date. By the way, I like spending time with Tosh." He caressed Jack's biceps.

"But you get to see her everyday here at work," Jack protested.

Ianto raised his eyebrows. "You too." He kissed Jack fleetingly. "Let me give you a rain check. I promise to be all yours tomorrow night." He smiled. "And I'm always keeping my promises."

Jack thinned his lips and ducked his head. Ianto's smile faltered. "You're mad," he said.

Jack put his hands on his hips and straightened his shoulders. Then he grinned falsely. "Nonsense," he answered.

Ianto put his hands on Jack's shoulders, hooking his index fingers under the braces before following their way down to Jack's hips as if he was trying to smooth them out. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jack answered. He dropped a firm kiss on Ianto's lips and turned away. "Absolutely." He headed back downstairs and Ianto looked after him with a sigh.

XXX

It stopped raining when they left the dancing class. Toshiko hooked her arm around Ianto's and they decided to go for a walk along the bay.

"So," Tosh said, avoiding a puddle, "how are things between you and Jack?"

Ianto sighed deeply and stopped. He leaned against the rail, watching the waves coming from the dark open sea roll towards the brightly lit city. The wind was cutting and cold. Ianto folded his hands to warm them. "I'm not sure."

"Why not?" She mirrored his position and nudged his shoulder. "You're having dates, right?"

Ianto shook his head. "We had one date. Since then, we're only kind of meeting up for sex."

Toshiko's head leaned on his shoulder. "Oh," she said softly.

"I thought he wanted more. That date ..." Ianto stopped and exhaled sharply, looking for the right words. "I should have known … that he doesn't want to step up our relationship. I mean the date was … he was trying but it was horrible. I know, maybe I expected too much." He looked at her. "He doesn't talk to me, Tosh. He's always sitting there, in my flat, on my couch and he's talking about work or something he saw on the news but he doesn't talk about himself, where he's been or what he did. He's even more closed-off than before. But we should be closer than ever before."

Tosh entwined their fingers. "Tell him how you feel."

Ianto shook his head. "I can't." He swallowed. "I have no right to ask anything of him. We're not in a relationship. I think … I think he'd like to have everything back as it was before. You should have seen his reaction when I told him that I couldn't meet him tonight."

Tosh frowned. "Ianto," she said softly, "everything changed. It's time that Jack gets used to it. He had a period of grace. That's more than he gave us when he left. You have to tell him what you want."

Ianto stared into the water, biting his lip. Tosh squeezed his hand. "You changed. Your needs changed. Jack should accept that." She kissed his cheek.

Ianto nodded slowly. "Yes, you're right. I should tell him."

XXX

Jack looked around Ianto's flat. He had been doing that every single time he came over since he was back. Ianto was watching him from the kitchen. He could understand Jack's curiosity, because the small flat wasn't the same place it had been before Jack left – it no longer was just a place to sleep and rest at, it was more personal and looked more lived-in. Jack sat on the couch, brushed one hand over one of the cushions and for the first time, he said, "You redecorated."

Ianto returned from the kitchen, handing Jack a mug of coffee. "It wasn't really me." He sat down. "I just didn't like it anymore and Gwen and Tosh were eager to get their hands on it. Tosh helped me with the finishing touches."

Jack nodded and sipped his coffee. He was keeping his face a blank mask, but Ianto could see by his tense posture that he was bothered by something. Jack put the mug on the table. "You're spending a lot of time with her, aren't you?"

Ianto glanced at him, then he stared into his mug. "You weren't here. I … suddenly had some free time on my hands."

Jack frowned. "I'm glad my absence helped." The words were clipped and the coldness in Jack's voice surprised Ianto. The captain got up. "I should leave."

"What?" Dumbstruck, Ianto grabbed Jack's wrist. "Jack."

The captain shook him off and headed for the hallway. He made to take his coat but Ianto slipped in-between him and the hall cupboard, pulling him into his arms. Jack stayed stiff and tense in his arms even though Ianto noticed that, for just a second, he seemed to melt against him before suppressing the need to return the embrace. Ianto cupped Jack's face, looking into his eyes. He wished to be able to read them – like he used to – but he seemed to be out of practice … or the rules had changed.

Ianto sighed. "Don't be so sensitive." He kissed Jack tenderly and caressed his cheek. "Stay for a bit." He kissed Jack again and breathed a sigh of relief when Jack deepened the kiss after a second and put his arms around him. Ianto smiled and gentled the kiss by avoiding Jack's lips and nuzzling his cheek. "I missed you," he said softly.

Jack buried his face in the bend of Ianto's neck. His hand slid under Ianto's sweater, caressing warm skin. "You have no idea, Ianto," he whispered and Ianto noticed that his voice was trembling ever so slightly. "You have no idea how much I ..." He pulled Ianto closer.

"Jack?"

The captain raised his head, staring into Ianto's eyes. Then he kissed him – desperately and passionately. Ianto pulled Jack's shirt out of his trousers. He didn't understand Jack's sudden need but he was ready to follow him and ask questions later. Jack helped Ianto to get rid of his sweater and put his hands on Ianto's hips. Ianto's fingers slid under Jack's shirt, exploring well-known territory anew, while the kiss gentled. Then he took Jack's hand. "Let's take this to the bedroom," he suggested.

XXX

It was silent in Ianto's bedroom and almost dark. The city's lights were drawing circles on Ianto's curtains and the cool spring wind entered the room through the half-open window. Ianto slid one arm under his head, staring at the ceiling. "Will you tell me?" he asked softly, his finger drawing patterns across Jack's back. Jack hid his face against Ianto's neck, biting him gently. Ianto chuckled and wrapped Jack's sweat-dampened hair around his fingers to pull him away. One of his legs settled around Jack's hip, pushing their bodies together.

Jack moaned softly, then he sighed. "A lot of things happened. Telling everything is ..." He stopped.

Ianto gentled his hold in Jack's hairs, brushing through them. "Don't you want to or can't you?" he whispered.

Jack's hand caressed his flank, gliding from his shoulder down to his hip and back again. "Both."

"Why can't you?"

Jack's hand froze. It was silent for a long time. Ianto wasn't sure if Jack was even breathing. He wrapped both of his arms around Jack, pulling him closer. He wondered what could have happened while Jack was away with the Doctor. What could have changed him so much, made him so sensitive, so sad? He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of sweat and Jack's shampoo. Tears were gathering in his eyes. There had been a time when he'd thought that he would never see Jack again. Of course he'd understood why Jack had left. At least he'd tried to understand even though he'd kept thinking that Jack should have at least told them goodbye. But he'd been alright most of the time. Work had kept him busy. The nights had been worse. He'd kept wondering if Jack was okay – after all, they would never know if he wasn't -, if he was happy, if he'd found what he'd been looking for. And he'd wished for Jack to come back or give him a sign - something to show them that he was alright. It never came. Instead, the nightmares had entered Ianto's sleep and tortured him with all the reasons why Jack couldn't be alright, happy and with his Doctor.

Ianto pushed those dark thoughts aside and focused on Jack. "I'm here," he said softly. "I'm not leaving."

Jack propped himself up on his elbows to be able to look at him and the fingers of one hand brushed tenderly – thoughtfully – over Ianto's cheek. "What I saw never really happened. I can't talk to you about something that didn't happen."

Ianto frowned. "It happened or you wouldn't be able to remember it."

Jack tried to smooth the lines on Ianto's forehead, with success. "Okay. Then I don't wanna tell you."

Ianto nodded slowly. "I have to accept that."

Jack kissed him tenderly and put his head back onto Ianto's chest, above his heart. Ianto turned his head and looked out the window.

XXX

When Ianto put a mug of coffee on Jack's desk, the captain took his hand and pulled him down for a quick kiss. Ianto stayed for another, deeper kiss and then straightened. Jack took his mug and asked, "Are you staying over tonight?"

Ianto shook his head. "I'm going to meet Tosh."

"Dancing class again?" Jack asked in that carefully constructed neutral voice Ianto was starting to loathe, and turned to his computer screen.

"No. We don't have any special plans."

Jack frowned and turned back to face Ianto. "Then meet me. We have special plans."

Ianto raised his eyebrows. "Sex?"

Jack spread his arms as if that would be the only reason needed to convince Ianto. The smug grin – the absolute conviction that Ianto wouldn't say no to an offer like that - bothered him and he shook his head. "Tosh and I get together regularly. Every Thursday."

"You could give her a rain check," Jack said.

Ianto nodded slowly. "I could." He crossed his arms. "But I don't want to."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "You'd rather spend your time with Tosh?"

"Jack, we talked about this."

"Well," Jack answered, irritated, "maybe I'm thinking that your ... arrangement is a bit weird."

Ianto frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

Jack turned away and stared at his screen. "You know."

Ianto looked at the back of his head for a while, waiting for Jack to turn around again, but the captain seemed to think that they were finished talking. Ianto pushed away from the desk and headed for the door. He stopped and turned back to Jack. "If you think that Tosh and me are an item, then you're wrong. But, you know what, I have no reason to have to justify myself to you, Jack."

Defiant blue eyes turned to look at him. "Then why are you?"

Ianto opened the door. "No idea. Talk to me when you calmed down."


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

Owen and Gwen called a short goodbye when they left the Hub. Tosh watched them go and then went back to work on her computer screen. She had half an hour left before she had to meet Ianto and she would use it.

"Tosh," Jack said and stopped next to her desk.

She nodded and added some figures to her equations before she raised her head to smile at him. "Hi, Jack."

"Yeah," he answered and held up a pile of folders in his hands. "Could you do an analysis of this Rift data? Those are files UNIT sent over and I think that the Rift is getting bigger. They had activities in London and Swansea and I don't like it. I wanna know if we're dealing with exceptions or if we should think about setting up Torchwood branches there in the next few years."

Tosh looked at the clock hesitantly. "Tomorrow, I could-"

"I need it today."

Tosh frowned. "Jack, that'll take hours."

He put on a pleading face – the eyebrows raised, the blue eyes looking innocently and a small pout on his lips. Tosh was a goner. "Okay."

He kissed her cheek. "Great," he grinned. With a muffled bang, the files landed on her desk. "You're great."

"I know," she answered with a sigh. Jack returned to his office and Tosh opened the Torchwood IM to give Ianto a rain check.

XXX

"Dinner for two," Jack said, holding up a pizza box topped by a white plastic bag, when Ianto opened the door.

"_Mario's__ Pizza_," Ianto read the label on the bag aloud.

"Yeah," Jack answered. "I brought the lasagne you love so much."

Ianto took the bag from Jack and looked into it. The scent of meat, cheese and sauce permeated the air and he realised just how hungry he was. But ...

"Thank you, really, but I don't eat it anymore," he said carefully.

Jack raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Come again?"

"They changed the recipe. I don't like it anymore."

Disappointment clouded Jack's eyes and Ianto bit his lip sheepishly. Jack straightened his shoulders. "Since when?"

"A few weeks."

Jack sighed and ducked his head. Ianto took the pizza from him and pulled him into the flat. He dropped a gentle kiss on Jack's lips. "There was no way you could have known."

Jack wrapped an arm around him and pulled him a bit closer for another, more passionate kiss. He held Ianto close after the kiss broke reluctantly. "I calmed down," Jack said softly, caressing Ianto's cheek.

Ianto smiled. "I kinda noticed that."

"You can have my pizza."

Ianto kissed Jack's cheek. "Deal." He didn't like pineapple that much but he wouldn't tell Jack that now. He decided to do what he'd done whenever he'd been at his grandmother's house, faced with her pineapple tortes – he would smile and swallow as fast as possible. He wasn't ready to talk with Jack about their relationship either. The evening was already showing cracks. He didn't want to break it into pieces with such a sensitive subject. Ianto refused to admit that he was just too scared of Jack laughing about the thought of a steady relationship.

Jack put his coat away and smiled. It was a shadow of his usual grin and seemed forced. "Let's dig in."

XXX

Ianto was woken by a kick, followed by an arm shoving him off the bed. Confused, he sat up and rubbed his sleepy eyes. "Jack?"

"Kai, kai … shahelti ..."

Ianto frowned and sat on the edge of the bed before switching on his bedside lamp. In its muted light, he saw Jack tangled up in the sheets, sweaty and trembling, panting. "Shahelti bahai ..."

Ianto didn't understand him. He doubted that it was a language spoken on Earth. He reached out but he couldn't bring himself to touch Jack. He'd had nightmares before in Ianto's presence. More than once, the attempt to wake Jack had been rewarded with a bruise.

"Jack?" he asked cautiously.

Jack sobbed and his face was showing an agonized frown. "Doctor ..."

Carefully, Ianto put a hand on Jack's shoulder. "Jack, wake up." His hand was grabbed and before he could react, Jack had him pinned to the mattress, one of his arms pressed against Ianto's windpipe, looking at him with murder in his eyes.

But his eyes cleared almost instantly and he let go of him. "Ianto." He sat on the edge of the bed and massaged his forehead. He was still breathing heavily but slowly calming down.

Sitting up, Ianto rubbed his neck. "Jack," he said carefully.

"Sorry," the captain muttered.

"It's okay. It was a dream." He caressed Jack's arm. Jack cupped his hand between his larger ones and settled their entwined fingers on his chest. "You want to talk about it?" Ianto asked hesitantly, sliding closer to Jack. He put one foot on the floor and stretched the other leg out behind him to lean against his flank. Jack's skin was cold. Ianto kissed his shoulder.

Jack shook his head. "Just a nightmare," he said, smiling helplessly. "It never happened."

"Talk about it anyway," Ianto suggested, brushing his free hand through Jack's damp hair.

"Just images ...," Jack answered. The silence stretched and Ianto dropped his head on Jack's shoulder. He closed his eyes and wondered if now would be a good time to ask Jack what had happened during his time away, but Jack was faster, asking softly, "What does an immortal man have to lose?"

Ianto frowned. "What?"

"A question someone asked me ... while I was gone."

"Who?" Ianto asked.

Jack's shoulders shook as if he was holding back a laugh. "Somebody we don't have to worry about anymore."

Ianto squeezed Jack's hand. "What's the answer?"

Jack turned his head away and tightened his grip around Ianto's hand. His eyes were glued to a photograph on Ianto's night stand. Owen, Gwen, Tosh and himself visiting a rugby match a few weeks ago. Jack's answer was barely heard. "The life of the people he loves."

Ianto leaned his forehead against Jack's temple. "What happened, Jack? That wasn't just any nightmare."

"It doesn't matter, Ianto," Jack said.

"It does," he answered. "Jack, please."

The captain kissed him, laying him down on the mattress. They were still naked from the sex a few hours ago and Jack's hand slid down Ianto's chest towards his hip, then around to Ianto's back to settle on his arse to press their bodies together.

"You're distracting me," Ianto gasped when Jack's body dropped between his spread legs and Jack kissed his neck.

Jack froze and raised his head to look at him. Then he said softly, "Yeah."

XXX

Tosh was a patient woman and she would do everything for Jack, but her patience was slowly running out. She leaned her hip against Jack's desk and sighed in irritation. "Jack ..."

The captain looked at her with his eyebrows raised, again the poster boy for innocence. "Yeah?"

She held up the thick file in her hand. "Is that really necessary?"

"Orders from UNIT."

"Since when are you listening to UNIT?"

Jack crossed his arms and Tosh realised that he was just biding his time until she gave in. The sad truth was that she would if he kept looking at her like that. She put the file on the desk. "It's just ... this is the third evening I have to work longer and Ianto and I wanted to go get dinner together. I'd hate to give him a rain check yet again."

Jack nodded understandingly, got up, took his coat and came around his desk. "Don't worry about Ianto," he said and put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to take care that he doesn't get bored." He smiled and left the office. Tosh looked after him, frowning.

XXX

When Gwen had taken command of Torchwood Three, she'd established an on-call duty. Without Jack, no one had been in the Hub 24/7 anymore. Before he'd left them, he'd been the one on-call whenever a Weevil needed to be caught or space tourists needed directions. After he'd left, the team had decided that at least two of them would stay in the Hub after hours – or at least for the Torchwood equivalent of after hours – to give the other two some free time. When Jack had returned, they'd kept the system. This Sunday evening, Gwen and Owen were on duty in the Hub. Jack and Ianto were in Ianto's flat and had just finished dinner, when Tosh called Ianto. Jack stayed in Ianto's flat while his lover met Tosh in a café.

"You think he's doing it on purpose?" Ianto asked.

Tosh nodded. She looked out the window to the busy street, then back to him. "I know it sounds crazy, but could Jack be trying to keep us apart?"

Ianto laughed, stirring his coffee. "It sounds crazy." Then he sighed and froze. "But not impossible." He rubbed his forehead. "I think he feels neglected. Because we're doing that dancing class and the meetings on Thursdays."

Tosh shook her head. "Yeah, but not this week, since I wasn't able to leave the base before 9 pm for three days in a row. There were always new requests from UNIT coming in. Today's my first free night since then."

Ianto frowned. "I'll talk to him. I'm just ..." He exhaled sharply and looked out the window.

Tosh raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Just what?"

Ianto stirred his coffee and said hesitantly, "Jack changed. I don't know how to best approach him at the moment."

"Did something happen?" Tosh asked, worried.

He stared into his cup. "He doesn't talk to me about it." He raised his head and shrugged. "Whatever he did with the Doctor, it wasn't good. He has nightmares – different ones than before and more of them – and he's so ... sensitive. Closed off."

"Ianto," Tosh said earnestly, "I told you this because I'm worried about him. It's not like him to pile up work on our desks and ask us to do it in our free time."

Ianto sighed. "I know. I'm just a bit insecure at the moment. He's so different. I mean …" He shook his head. Tosh just waited until he continued slowly, "Why ask me in the first place? Why go on that date? Everything's the same as it was before. Why pretend that he wants more?"

"Ianto," Tosh said earnestly and took his hand, "I told you: Don't do this to yourself. Not again."

"No," he said, shaking his head. He smiled and squeezed her hand. "No. Don't worry. I'll talk to him."

XXX

"What took so long?" Jack asked when Ianto entered the living room.

Ianto put his keys on the coffee table and draped his jacket over the armrest. "Did you force a bigger workload on Tosh to prevent her from meeting me?" he asked.

Jack's face turned stony. He switched off the television and went into the kitchen. Ianto followed him, watching Jack fetch a bottle of water from the fridge. The young man crossed his arms. "You won't even deny it," he said.

"Why should I? You know already," Jack answered, opening the bottle.

"I suppose you're right about that," Ianto answered with a sigh. He massaged his forehead, feeling tired all of a sudden, and leaned against the door jamb. "Jack ... why are you doing that?"

"Is it wrong that I want to spend some time with you?" Jack asked, irritated.

"No," Ianto answered, "of course not, but, Jack, you can't take it out on Tosh. You could have just asked me."

Jack slammed the bottle on the counter. "Asked you?" he repeated. "Asked you? Are you serious? I've been asking, but you just tell me that you'd rather spend time with her."

"That's not a question of preference, Jack. Tosh's my best friend. And you ..." He exhaled and laughed helplessly. "I don't even know what you are." He turned away and took his jacket from the armrest.

Jack followed him to the hallway. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"That you're a bloody mystery, Jack."

Ianto put the jacket away and headed back to the living room, but Jack grabbed his arm. "Are you asking me to put a label on what we have?"

"No," Ianto answered sarcastically, "I wouldn't dare to force you to do that. Even though the label _cheap office affair_ is quite fitting." He shrugged Jack off and went to the living room.

"It's nothing like that," Jack answered.

Ianto whirled around to him and the frustration of the last few weeks discharged in one angry question, "What is it like then? Enlighten me!"

Jack put his hands on his hips and jutted his chin out. "You tell me – we're dating."

"Dating? We had _one_ date, Jack," Ianto answered. "_One_ date! We sat in a restaurant for one hour before you wanted to leave to catch the movie earlier. And you spent our whole time in the theatre suggesting that we should go and have sex in the last row. Then we went to my flat and had sex. That was our date, Jack. And ever since, every ... date consists of ordering take-out, talking about work and having sex."

"And you don't want to have sex with me?"

"Of course!" Ianto answered, getting more upset by the minute. "God, Jack, you misinterpret my answers on purpose!" He sighed and continued more calmly, "But I don't get the feeling that you want to date me. Everything's as it was before."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "You never complained before."

"It was okay before," Ianto answered, "because we both knew that it couldn't be anything other than two friends having sex occasionally. You told me it couldn't be more than that and I accepted it. But, Jack ... you were the one asking for a date. And I thought we would change. But we didn't." He smiled helplessly. "And I don't want anything less. I can't be the go-to guy whenever you want to sleep with someone. Not anymore."

Jack brushed both hands through his hair. "I want more," he said desperately. "It's not just about sex."

Ianto answered softly, "Then you have to talk to me. There was a time when you told me everything."

Jack turned away and shook his head. "I told you nothing. Not even half of the things I could have." He turned back to face Ianto again. "You have no idea who I am."

"I'd like to know."

"I don't wanna tell you," Jack answered. Ianto ducked his head and put his hands on his hips. Jack tried to explain, "The things you would think about me, if you knew ..."

Ianto raised his head, his eyes wide. "There is no way that I could hate you because of something that you did in the past."

Jack shook his head. "Ianto ..."

"I can't just scratch the surface, Jack."

"Well, that's all I can offer," the captain answered, looking up at him. Ianto bit his lip and turned away when he felt tears gather in his eyes. It hurt. He would have never guessed just how much. But on the other hand, he'd known for a long time what the true nature of his feelings for Jack were and he knew that it couldn't end well.

He went into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, staring at the reflection of the room behind him in the kitchen window, plain to see against the dark sky and the soft glow of the city. A movement at the edge of the window caught his attention. Jack was standing in the kitchen door, his arms crossed, his eyes downcast. "I want to date you," he said. "It's just hard. Because of the job. Because of me." He shrugged. "And it's not as if you're trying to make it any easier, Ianto. I'm asking you to meet me but you go out with Tosh."

Ianto turned around to him. "I'm sorry. I thought you'd understand."

"What?" Jack asked.

Ianto smiled sadly. "I worked so hard to be part of the team."

"You always were part-"

"Don't interrupt, please," Ianto cut in. "And that's not true, Jack. I was always the one staying behind in the Hub, looking after things. I was rarely in the field. And if I was, it was as your appendage. Background information, research, cleaning up ... those were my duties. And during team nights ... I went if you did and when you left I accompanied you because we were heading back to the Hub or to my place. I was always at your beck and call and I never minded. But when you left ..." He swallowed. "I was nobody."

Jack took a step towards him. Ianto pasted on a smile. "That's how I felt. Fortunately, the others didn't see it that way. I got the chance to prove myself ... in the field. And it was hard. But I was finally part of the team. I was part of Torchwood Three, Jack. I became friends with Gwen and even Owen. And Tosh ..." He shook his head. "We started to see each other away from work and without Owen and Gwen at least once a week. As friends," he said. "That's important to me. I thought you would understand."

"But you can see her during work. Can't you spend the evening with me?"

"That's the problem, Jack. I want to see her away from work, as a friend. I don't want to be your appendage anymore and that means that I can't be there for you 24/7. It's not good for me."

Jack ducked his head and crossed his arms. Ianto smiled tenderly and hooked his fingers around Jack's braces before pressing their foreheads together. "That doesn't mean that I'm rejecting you, Jack. You must know that I couldn't." He kissed him.

Jack's arms wrapped around Ianto to pull him closer. "Are you sure that's a wise choice?"

Ianto laughed softly. "It doesn't matter how complicated you can be. Or how secretive." He bit his lip, then he said, "Just let me see beyond the surface from time to time. I don't want to know everything but ... you have to give me something." He dropped his head to Jack's shoulder and stroked his back.

"We should date ... really date," Jack said and Ianto thought that he could hear tears in his voice. Jack laughed helplessly. "We're pros at fighting already."

Ianto laughed now, too. "Wait 'til the make-up sex." He broke the embrace and kissed Jack firmly. "That'll be great."

"Really?" Jack asked. There were definitely tears in his eyes but he forced them back with a wobbly grin. "And if I can't wait?"

Ianto buried one hand in his hair and pulled him into a deep kiss.

XXX

Jack was staring from where he was resting in Ianto's bed towards the bedroom window where the city's lights were colouring the open window's curtains orange. Ianto wasn't sleeping. Jack could hear him breathing and he knew that he was just lying there, just lost in thought like himself. He shivered when the cool spring air caressed his sweat damp skin and he turned to face Ianto. His lover was lying on his stomach, his face turned away from Jack. The duvet was pulled up carelessly, showing Ianto's naked body from the waist up. His pale skin was highlighted against the dark sheets. One of Jack's hands settled on Ianto's spine and caressed down to his hip to come to rest between his belly and the bed. Ianto sighed deeply. Jack laid his head between his shoulder blades and kissed his skin, tasting sweat. He slid closer until their legs were touching. It was quiet for a long time. Ianto was still awake.

"We were at the end of the universe," Jack said softly. He felt Ianto tensing up but he didn't speak. "And we befriended a scientist. Big mistake. He came back to this century and became the world's dictator. You know him as Harold Saxon."

"The former prime minister?"

"Yeah."

"He killed the president and was shot by his own wife. Just a few days after the election."

"That's not the whole story," Jack answered. He sighed deeply, "The truth is ... it's just the end."

Ianto turned on his back and took Jack's hand. He entwined their fingers and Jack kissed him gently. Then he dropped his head to rest on Ianto's shoulder. He was quiet for a while, not knowing where to begin, what to tell and what not to tell. Ianto's free hand ghosted through his hair. Lips caressed his forehead.

"Tell me, Jack." He pulled the covers up.

And Jack told him.

END

11/10


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